An Open Letter to a Grieving Mum

I am so deeply sorry that you find yourself in this awful and devastating situation, I wish I could take your pain away and make everything ok again. I know that right now you have more questions than answers, and I am hoping that one day, you will find the answers that you seek. I know that you probably feel numb, angry and upset, and I also know that you feel you will never be able to accept what has happened… how could you? How could you possibly accept that your baby will not be coming home? How could you ever accept that you had to leave your baby with strangers, cold and alone, while you returned home to an empty house, and a nursery full of things that your baby should be using?

I want you to know, even though you feel like it, you are not alone. I want you to know that you and your baby matter, and I need you to know that there are people who you can talk to, other people who have been through the same, devastating and life changing thing… because losing a child is life changing, and no matter what others might say, things will never be ‘normal’ again… but you will, in time, find a ‘new normal’.

Please share your baby as much as you want; I know that occasionally, as a loss mum, you may receive negative comments when you talk about your baby, or share their photos. These comments may put you off sharing, you may feel like you ‘have to move on’ and not share any more, you may then feel more isolated. When I first started to share Sophie I received comments like this, mostly from people who care a great deal and thought that I was torturing myself, sometimes from people that were just nasty, or didn’t understand. At first, it really upset me, and I stopped sharing Sophie’s story and her photos; but after a short while I realised that sharing her, as much as I share my other children, was helping me and not hindering me! If people don’t want to look then they are welcome to scroll past, and the positive comments certainly outweighed the negative, which made me happy! For the people who do post the odd unhelpful comment, I no longer feel upset or angry; instead, I feel grateful, grateful that they don’t know, and don’t understand, what it’s like to lose a child; because I would never wish this on any one.

Lastly, I want to say, that its ok to not be ok, I say this to people on Sophie’s Angels because it’s true… sometimes breathing IS enough! Sometimes you may not feel like doing anything… that is perfectly ok, housework etc can wait! Taking things one step at a time, taking each minute as it comes… all these things will help you to get through today; and that’s ALL you need to do.

Lots of love and hugs to you, your family, and your precious angel

Maria
xxx

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