The Hardest Thing

I often help mums who are going through loss and talk to them before, during and after the birth of their sleeping baby, I never tell their stories because whatever they say to me is confidential, and I have too much respect for them to break that confidence! However, one loss mum has specifically asked me to share her story. I was contacted last week via Facebook messenger by Amanda who had just been told that her baby had passed away at 37 weeks… she went for a routine check-up with her midwife, and when they tried to listen with the doppler there was only silence; that is something that I remember… the silence! No heartbeat, no movements and no sounds from the blood rushing through the placenta… just silence. She had felt her son move the night before, but hadn’t felt him that morning; she wasn’t concerned though as he was always quieter in the mornings; this is how her story began, the next chapter in her life, the one where she would have to find a new path without her precious son Daniel.

She was given my details from someone on the ‘Our Angel Sophie’ Facebook page, this person would like to remain anonymous but I would just like to say thank you for suggesting that she contacts me. I always feel very honoured when I’m contacted by people who are going through this, people looking for support, and people looking for a friendly person to help them through it. It’s a very private and sensitive time, but it can also be very lonely, and the fact that I am occasionally contacted to help with support and ideas makes me feel very privileged.

So, Amanda messaged me and explained that she had just got back from the hospital and that they were going to induce her within 48 hours (this seems to happen a lot, they send you home and bring you back 2 days later). She was obviously very scared., upset, worried and angry; it was better to talk rather than message so I called her via the messenger app. We chatted for a long time about her pregnancy, her feelings and what would be likely to happen when she goes in to be induced. We also spoke about making memories, the help in place for after Daniel’s birth and the support that her family have at home. I made suggestions where I could, but I mostly listened.

We kept in touch over the next two days, speaking regularly as she set about packing a bag for the hospital and organising childcare for her other 2 children; while I helped by organising a photographer for her. It is always heart-breaking when I am helping other loss mums… that agony is something that I wouldn’t wish on anyone! But I feel privileged that people trust me enough to let me offer support; as I’ve said before, it’s a very frightening and lonely time, and just having someone to talk to can be really helpful.

I kept InTouch with Amanda via message on the day that Daniel was born, I thought it best to leave her and her husband alone so that they could just ‘be together’. I did say she could ring me any time and left it at that… although she was never far from my mind! She phoned at 11pm to let me know that he had been born and how perfect he was. She sent me photos of her sweet angel and Daniel was absolutely gorgeous.

Amanda went home the next day and she phoned me to thank me… when it should be me thanking her! It is such an honour to help someone through such a devastating time. Amanda has asked me to share her story with you.

I keep in touch with her and I think I always will.

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