When I say to people that ‘I’m having a moment because I miss Sophie’, why do they then insist on saying ‘still? Do you think you need help?’. I find it upsetting that I can’t just tell people why I’m feeling sad, all I want is a hug and for them to say, ‘I know, and you have every right to be’. I do have a right to be sad, it doesn’t happen all the time, I don’t sit there every day feeling upset, down or depressed… but I do have every right to miss Sophie.
To put my loss into perspective Sophie has been gone for 16 months… That is not a huge amount of time, regardless of what people think. During those 16 months, my family have been through hell and back, but we still keep pulling through and I am so thankful for the family I have got. However, that does not make Sophie’s death less important and right now all I can think of is I want my baby back! She should be here and not buried in the cold, hard ground… it’s not right, it’s not fair, and it never will be.
Sophie was born sleeping on 11th March 2016 at 2.09pm, that was 490 days, 18 hours and 21 minutes ago; that is not enough time for me to stop feeling sad! Even if I break it down further to 706,701 minutes… it sounds longer but it really isn’t! Every single one of these days I have felt sad moments and moments of regret, I relive what could have, and should have, happened to save Sophie; and I have flashbacks and remember exact conversations that I had with the doctors after Sophie died.
So, for everyone who thinks I should ‘be over’ my daughter’s death by now, but has never experienced the loss of a child… you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and I hope you never do; because pain like this I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. This is a lifetime of pain and a lifetime of guilt and regrets.