Does baby loss make other people feel uncomfortable?
Probably yes!!! No one wants to think about this as a possibility… I never thought for one second that it would happen to me; especially after having three heathy children. However, the fact is that it can happen to anyone which is the reason that it should be spoken about; not to frighten people, but rather to make them aware of the warning signs and risk factors. Of course, sometimes there are no warnings which makes the loss even harder to comprehend, but people need to be aware of the subtle changes which can take place, which can be the difference between life and death.
When I think about whether my loss makes others feel uncomfortable, I think it probably does, and let’s face it… it should do!!! I say this because it is not ‘normal’ to go home with empty arms; it is not ‘normal’ to have to tidy away all your baby’s belongings, fold and pack away all the clothes that will never be worn, the crib, bottles, breast pump, blankets… It’s amazing how many things there are, and it’s not ‘normal’ to pack them away in the loft, knowing that they are unused, and yet you can still never part with them; and it is certainly not ‘normal’ to bury your child, watching his or her coffin being lowered into the cold, hard ground. Therefore, it’s unsurprising that baby loss is a subject that no one wants to talk, hear, or think about.
I would, however, encourage people to talk about their baby, regardless of how it makes others feel; it is one of the most powerful ways to raise the awareness that this really can happen to anyone.
How do I react when someone says that my loss makes them feel uncomfortable?
Yes… this has actually happened a few times! And do you know what? It doesn’t bother me in the slightest! It used to though, I used to get really upset, and then I would stop writing Sophie’s blog, stop posting on Facebook, and generally stop talking about my daughter; knowing that I was making other people feel comfortable meant that was almost frightened, and apologetic whenever I mentioned Sophie.
However, my response is very different now; I don’t force anyone to listen, read my Facebook posts and blog, or look at her photos; therefore, they are welcome to hide my posts if they wish. My view is that this is something which my family and I live with every single day, and for that reason I will never stop talking about my daughter who should now be crawling, learning to talk, and driving me up the wall!
She may not be here with us, but I refuse to stop talking about her and sharing her photos, in case it makes others feel uncomfortable; because my response to them would be ‘I’m sorry it makes you feel uncomfortable; but how the heck do you think it makes me and my family feel!?’