Nothing Prepares you
There is nothing that prepares you for a silent birth and there is nothing that prepares you for going home without your baby. I often refer to the moment that Sophie was born as a deafening silence, and I know that this is a contradiction in terms. So I thought I would write a series of blog posts, not to upset people, but to explain what happens during a silent birth, why the silence is deafening, and what happens after the birth. This is just my experience, and other people’s experience may be different… I would like to hear other experiences so please write a comment or send me an email if you wish.
In the series are:
- The Induction, labour and birth
- Your sleeping baby and the first 24 hours
- Going home without your baby
- Supporting your children
- The post-mortem
- Planning you baby’s farewell
- Life after the funeral
- Help that is available
Life After the Funeral
The grieving process doesn’t truly begin until after your baby’s farewell. Before that you will spend your time planning and organising… you don’t really allow yourself time to sit and think. I can remember being told that I was like a robot… and I was! I was so busy planning and organising Sophie’s special day, visiting venues, seeing Sophie in the funeral directors, liaising with the hospital about the post mortem, ordering things for her special day, making sure that my other children were ok whilst also making everything perfect for Sophie… that I really didn’t allow myself any time to grieve.
It is extremely difficult after the funeral as all the planning is over and you now have time to sit and reflect; this is when the grieving begins for many people. You may find that you become annoyed that ‘life has gone back to normal’ for many of your family and friends, you may find that you get upset or annoyed about silly things (I dropped a jar of coffee on the floor and shouted whole tirade of abuse at the poor jar of coffee!!), you may find that you want to hide yourself away and not speak to anyone, or you may find that you need people around you… all of these are perfectly normal and you need to do what you feel is right.
Now would be the time to call on your support network for help; friends, family, you bereavement midwife, SANDS, the church minister, the hospital chaplain, your family doctor and we can also offer you support via our Facebook page.
The next section is about help that is available