I have been asked many, many times how I coped with Sophie’s due date; so I thought I’d write a post which may help other people as the date approaches. It was slightly different with Sophie because she was nearly term when she was born sleeping (you can read Sophie’s story here), and therefore I tend to focus more on her birthday than her due date; however, with the miscarriage I had at 10 weeks it was the due date that I focussed on. Therefore, this post is written from the perspective of how I coped with the due date approaching for the baby we lost in the first trimester.
The first thing you need to realise is that you can’t hide from the date, and that although the date will be imprinted in your mind… not everyone will remember that date that your baby was due. The baby we miscarried was due on 2nd August 2015, we don’t know whether the baby was a boy or girl (although I suspect it was a boy) and that date will forever be a difficult date for us.
Your Support Network
Speak to your partner, close friends and relatives as the date approaches; they may not actually remember the date and if you speak to them then they will be in a better place to offer support… or at least give you time if you need to talk, or leave you alone if that’s how you need to deal with it.
Create a Memorial Garden
We have a small patch in our back garden which I call the ‘memorial garden’, we planted it not long after we miscarried and I am constantly adding new plants to it as the old plants die off… I have perennials there now so all I need to do is weed the area; but to begin with we used bedding plants. I often sit out there and ‘chat’ to both my angels.
Buy Something for Baby
If your baby had survived, then you would be buying birthday presents and very often the thought of not buying anything is one of the most upsetting aspects. So… if you feel that way…. Then there is no harm in buying something! I choose to buy things for the memorial garden, but you can also buy something age appropriate for their memory box (if you have one). It can be therapeutic to buy something for baby.
I always light a candle for the baby on the morning of the due date; I had a candle holder engraved with my angels details: ‘Angel Baby. Grew wings on 9/1/15. Due on 2/8/15’. You can buy these on Ebay and I find that lighting a candle is quite comforting.
A few more suggestions
These are a few suggestions that helped me to cope with the due date. You could also try taking a long walk, booking some time away, spending time with family, arranging a day out, starting a new hobby, fundraising for The Miscarriage Association or SANDS. There is no easy way to cope with the due date, but the better prepared you are, the less traumatic it will be. If you are struggling and need someone who will listen then please drop me an email via the ‘Contact Us’ page.