When we told people that we were going to try again we had a whole range of comments, it seemed like everyone had an opinion! Some were good…. And some were not so good! Ultimately, it is down to you and your partner and other people really need to either support you in your decision or keep their opinions to themselves! So, here is a selection of the comments that we received:
We will support you in whatever you decide to do
This is a fantastic comment. The person is basically saying that it is our decision (which it is!) and they will support us whether it works out or not.
Looking forward to having snuggles with your rainbow
I had this comment from a friend yesterday… It’s a very positive thing to say and made me feel very supported.
I really hope it all works out
This can be taken two ways; but the way it was intended was that the person is really hoping that it all works out and that we are able to bring a healthy baby into the world.
Always here for you, Paul and the boys
This is a very supportive statement. It means that even if things don’t go to plan then this person will be the person that you can always speak to and can help you through the good and the bad times.
You will probably be far safer this time
This is very true in our situation. We are fortunate in that they have found the probable cause (antiphospholipid syndrome) and therefore they can manage it during pregnancy. I will also be closely monitored by the doctors with a lot of extra scans; meaning they should be able to detect problems much sooner.
Your chances are much better than they’ve ever been
Also, very true! The odds of us having a healthy baby are now the same as anyone else which is fantastic!
Staying silent and refusing to even talk
Someone refusing to talk is actually worse than them making a negative comment. You know that they completely disapprove when they won’t even talk to you, or change the subject immediately… This is actually very hurtful and I wish people would just talk about it, instead of staying completely silent and changing the subject.
Do you really want to put your kids through that again?
Of course not! But unless you have a crystal ball, or have a degree in obstetrics then I really don’t think you should pass comments like this! I will be guided by my consultant as to what the risks are as he does have a medical degree!
This is God’s way of saying you shouldn’t have more children
Have you spoken to God to ask Him? No…. well in that case I really don’t think you have the right to speak for Him.
You can’t replace Sophie
I actually never want to replace my precious daughter. That thought never entered my head and I can’t believe you just said it! When we had Brendon, it wasn’t to replace Brett; and when we had Aiden, it wasn’t to replace Brendon; so therefore your comments don’t really add up! Did you have your daughter to replace your son? No…. Just because Sophie isn’t living it doesn’t mean we want to replace her… but thank you for your concern!
It’s too soon
Too soon for who? We are adults and therefore we can decide if it’s too soon!
Be happy with what you’ve got
Now, this one really offended me! Ask any loss mum and they will tell you just how offensive this comment is… even though it was meant with good intentions. I would like to make it very clear that I am thankful for my 3 boys, but that does not make Sophie insignificant! I am thankful that we have 3 healthy, living children; but I am not thankful that we had to bury our daughter… and I never will be!
Once you have a stillbirth it is more likely to happen again
Again, I’d really love to see your crystal ball! I know many people whose baby was born sleeping and they have then gone on to have a healthy baby… Please don’t comment on something that you know nothing about because it makes you look and sound stupid! I do however, think that this depends on the reason for your loss as some things are more likely to reoccur.
It’s not worth the risks
Who are you to judge this without a medical degree? We have had extensive appointments with our consultant which has allowed us to assess the risks.
To read the post on ‘Trying After Stillbirth’ please click here